Welcome back for another Food Family update!
Last time Apricot threw her big brother in the slammer, the news killed their old man and Kiwi went bonkers for the Grim Reaper even though she was already in a relationship.
After his release from jail Alfalfa left the country for a while. But not before running into his sister…
Holy-Moly-Cow that’s the stuff of nightmares!
Alfalfa was seething with anger. For some reason he thought it appropriate to “get his freak on” while she was pinned in a chair.
It was a most uncomfortable chess match.
I have to say, I’m not surprised. Worse things have happened in this family. I have hope that the next generation will turn it all around.
He then invited Kristen Langerak over. A couple things to note about Kristen: a) she has a new boyfriend every time I check her relationship status and b) she is the great-granddaughter of Jared Frio (Donut’s brother), which means she is a cousin of Alfalfa’s (third cousin once removed to be exact).
It’s painful to watch knowing they are cousins.
You mean, they don’t know they are related?
No. I really should tell him…
One thing lead to another and before you know it, they kissed.
I didn’t know that happened!
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO! They are going to have little mutant monkey children! Someone kill me!
Would you get a grip, it was just a kiss.
HEEEEEEEEEEE… HEEEEEEEEEEEE… HEEEEEEEEE…
Oh, my Llama! Please tell me she’s not pregnant.
Nope, there was no lullaby.
Oh knock it off. You don’t even breathe, how are you hyperventilating!!!
Look, it’s not my fault that your husband died and-
EAT DIRT YOU DEHYDRATED OLD LADY!!!
What is happening to my family! A mother shouldn’t have to witness something like th-this.
In the morning Kristen was gone. Days went by and something wasn’t right. Alfalfa called Kristen and found out why.
(Yes, those are Cowboy undies.) Kristen had given Alfalfa the dreaded Fire Crotch!!!
Oh, my poor boy! Remind me to bleach the toilets and tubs.
Monkey Gene and Fire Crotch, that boy is never getting married.
Meanwhile, Kiwi was desperate to meet the Grim Reaper again.
She stared jabbing a screwdriver into one of the family’s computers.
What, I thought she was seeing her uncle…Theodore or something…
Kiwi was still in a relationship with Theodore-
Who is NOT her uncle.
But when it came to the Grim Reaper she just couldn’t help herself. Thankfully Kiwi did not die, but she did improve her handiness. Butter and Anise knew something was going on.
Besides trying to kill herself she was constantly walking about the house making kissy faces.
Ugh, why would she do that.
Because her father just died and nutmeg being the age that she is could die at anytime. Kiwi wants to be prepared.
I can’t die! I have to fix this family!
Once Butter even caught Kiwi doing the Michael Jackson Thriller dance!
Much like Native Americans would do their Rain Dances to bring on rain. Kiwi thought the Thriller dance would bring on Death.
So…she just tried to kill her mother? Well, she’s obviously gone insane.
Kiwi is grieving for her father. She needs love.
Llama crap! You need to kick her out!
She’s also done the dance in the game room while Nutmeg was writing.
Poor Kiwi. I am loving you so hard right now, Kiwi!
Okay. I hope you get buried next to me. you’re going to hear, “I told you so.” for eternity.
* * *
Alfalfa was trying to get on with his life. He tried meeting women at the park. He eve lowered his standards for this one here.
But everyone it seemed had heard about his catching Fire Crotch from Kristen. So he took it out on this guy here.
Wow, I don’t think this family needs those genetics!
Notice Kristen in the background there.
Probably spreading more rumors.
When Alfalfa got home he promptly picked a fight with Anise to make himself feel better.
It was a nasty argument.
He thought she played like crap, she thought he was a pest. He told her she’d never make any money, then he called her mother a llama. She told him was an idiot and they had the same mother. He then slapped her for calling his mother a llama.
Apricot came to her sister’s defense and accused Alfalfa of being mean.
So he decided to jump all over her.
He called her mother a llama Told her she was ugly. Scared her with monkey like hoots and hollers. Then he slapped her and attacked her. Sadly she lost the fight.
I’m going to blame all of this on Haggis. The family has never recovered from his treatment of Ginger.
Then he got in a car and took off to China.
Join us next time as we follow Alafalfa to China!
Food For Thought
1. Will Alfalfa find love or hate in China?
2. Will Kiwi finally meet Death again or will she settle for Theodore?
3. Will we see more of Nutmeg and Nutella in the next post?