Welcome back to the Food Family Legacy!!! (insert applause) I last posted with the news of the new heiress, Frittata.
Edamame: We haven’t had an heir since my boy, Barley held the title. Do you have something against men?
Nope. I don’t so the picking, Edamame. That is up to the readers of this legacy, deal with it!
Frittata has been trying to get her foot in the door, so to speak. She wants a part in the next big budget film. Come to find out her boss is Lars Creeper! Funny because he is in the Criminal Career. Anyway, Frittata went to his office to audition for a part.
Edamame: People used to tell me that I should have been a star.
No one is listening to you, Edamame.
Lars suggested they move to the couch to go over her lines.
Edamame: What kind of film is she auditioning for exactly? On a side note, check out that backside! What a nice piece of man-flesh.
The film is some G rated children’s film with talking animals. If you had outlived Donut you would have been a total cougar.
Butter: OH NO! I hope she used disinfecting wipes on that couch before she sat on it in her panties.
Edamame: Really? That is what you’re worried about?
When it was all over Frittata had the part as well as little something extra.
Edamame: Oh jeez, did she get the Fire Crotch?
Butter: See, she should have used a wipe before sitting down. Protection, protection, protection!
No ladies, no Fire Crotch. Sometime later the family was invited to the Newton’s house for Gerardo’s birthday. As you can see the family isn’t too happy Bonita had a child.
Edamame: Can’t say I’d blame them. She is unwed and still in school after all.
Then Juice placed his son on the floor and walked over to Bonita.
Edamame: Awe, look she likes to rest her head in the spot where his chin should be. *shudders*
Juice then dropped to one knee and…
Edamame: By the way, after a good look at his profile, it’s a good thing Frittata won.
Apparently Juice just watched New Moon.
Bonita said yes and her mother went off to bed with hopes of her daughter marrying and moving out with Gerardo. Meanwhile, in the kitchen Gerardo had become a child and Frittata who was quite obviously pregnant when into labor.
Edamame: Oh no… That was the ‘something extra?’
Butter: Yay, babies! I need to go was my hands. Three times will be good. Three times. Three.
Edamame: Do I have to do this commentary with Rainman’s sister?
Yes, enjoy it. You don’t know what Frittata will be like.
Frittata gave birth to a baby girl. I rolled a P and the hubster chose Peach. Her traits are: Hates the Outdoors, Easily Impressed as well as one hidden trait Can Apprehend Burglar. Her favorites are: Egyptian, Stu Surprise and Pink. She is also a Scorpio.
Edamame: She looks so, so normal…
You mean her skin isn’t black?
Edamame: What? Of course not. I don’t care about things like that.
Sure. When they got home, things were a little different.
Edamame: What the hell happened there!
But you don’t care about things like that, remember?
Edamame: Of course not. I was um, referring to Strawberry walking around in her underwear. No one needs to see that.
Shortly after Peach’s birth Frittata ran into Nadine Creeper at the park. It’s a good thing there were no Paparazzi around, because it got ugly! Frittata told her about her situation. Nadine was not impressed and called Peach a bastard and Frittata a whore.
Edamame: The nerve of that old woman!
The next morning I got a popup that someone had spread a rumor about Frittata! I wonder who it could have been…
Yes, Edamame, I had come to that realization myself. Sadly, not long after Nadine died.
Edamame: Great! Lars is on the market!
And just what are you going to do about it?
Edamame: A woman had needs!
But dead women don’t.
Butter: Dead? I’m not dead! I’m alive! ALIVE!
Edamame: What a freak show. I really don’t need her here. She pipes in at the most awkward times and blurts out the most inappropriate things.
Back at the house, Butter aged into an elder. Justine and Bunny were visiting during the event. I don’t know why Justine is in her unmentionables, I was tending to Frittata…
Edamame: Oh good, she’ll die soon…
Apparently Butter also was not impressed with Justine’s dropping trou. Justine was boo’d and asked to leave.
Edamame: But I’ve always heard, “Ain’t No Party Like a Creeper Party”
Butter: She sat on my couch in her panties and took a dip in my hot tub in them. I don’t know where she’s been or how frequently she changes her underwear! You know…butt sweat…
Edamame: Well, when you look at it that way…
The thought of Justine getting her sweat everywhere made Butter violently ill.
Edamame: Ugh, looking at Raspberry’s giant butt cheek is going to make me violently ill.
In other news. Juice is constantly getting arrested on his way home from work. I think maybe the police have a problem with Juice driving a police cruiser to work everyday. Time for a new car.
I’m sorry what? Were you speaking, I wasn’t listening.
All this getting arrested has Juice a little paranoid.
Somehow I ended up with three police cruisers (I’ve only had two Sims in the police force). I don’t need that many, so I sold two. Then, somehow this orange SUV showed up in the garage. No one in the house has the Kleptomaniac trait, I have no idea where it came from. Free car!
Butter: ACK! It could be stolen. Get rid of it! Sell it, dump it somewhere. They’re going to get us! They know, they’re watching us!
Edamame: Put a sock in it!
Butter: Gross. Do you now where socks have been? Oh that reminds me; I need to brush my teeth.
Edamame: Why don’t you gargle with some arsenic while you’re at it.
Edamame: What? I’m just trying to move this legacy along.
Frittata and Lars started seeing each other. When he learned Peach was his daughter they were immediately married. During the wedding Strawberry and Raspberry were so taken with Samantha Creeper they wanted to BE her.
Edamame: Llama Lips! I won’t be sleeping tonight!
Excuse me Creepers, but this is a FORMAL occasion!
That’s more like it.
Edamame: LOOK! Strawberry is mimicking Samamntha. Monkey see, monkey do!!!
The girl in the center is Stacey Food, Frittata’s half sister.
Edamame: She looks just like Kiwi. Let’s hope she has better taste in men.
Finally the couple were wed and there was much rejoicing.
Lars Creeper entered the family. I rolled an M and again the hubster chose the name: Miller, like the beer. Miller’s traits are: Perfectionist, Excitable, Vegetarian, Virtuoso, Hopeless Romantic, Can Apprehend Burglar, Asian Culture. His favorites are: Classical, Stu Surprise and Spice Brown. His LTW is: Hit Movie Composer. He quit his job immediately, there will be no more casting couches in his future!
That’s the news on the family, here is what’s happened around town. You may need to use the Bloodline.
Alfalfa is fighting with one of his sisters.
Alfalfa and Samantha Creeper were married.
Not necessarily, Samantha never had a child with Alfalfa. We can assume they used protection.
Butter: Finally, someone that listens!!!
Butter: Death by flies!!!!
Nutella and Crisco dated for a short time.
Edamame: NOOOOOO! They’re cousins, FIRST cousins!!!!
It didn’t last long. Nutella is now dating Nate Creeper and Crisco dated Gouda for a while.
He was old and had a lapse in judgement, it didn’t last. I believe Crisco is now seeing Bunny Sparkle.
My simself had another child, Raina and stole a toilet – awesome! Jill Frazier is Crisco’s ex and mother of his son. She is now married to Georgia Food’s brother in-law. And the game thinks my simself is a HE.
Juice’s quotes in order of appearance: Father of the Bride, New Moon, The Tick
That’s it for tonight. Next time toddler spam of Peach, Strawberry and Raspberry age into adults and go get real jobs. As always, thanks so much for reading!