Warning: This chapter is probably going to be all over the place. I’ve had a couple drinks after the kids fell asleep and I’m pretty tipsy. Please forgive typos and nonsense.
Yeah, it’s been a while… Sorry. Also, this one may be a short one. It’s 9:30 and my girls JUST fell asleep and I have 50% less hair now. Update: I forgot to post this last night. One too many of those alcoholic drinkssss.
To recap the last time we heard from the Foods Lox went off to private school and the family had a Fourth of July to celebrate. Frittata and Miller grew old on the same day and Peach gave birth. Oh, Raspberry has someone locked in the basement – how could I forget that!
Random picture that I couldn’t fit into the last update. I just think her face is so funny!
Strawberry: Where a good ant hill when you need a snack?
First thing that happens when I enter my game:
Sabrina get’s herself some old man. Which is pretty sad because I’d just plopped a gift into her house. His name is Derrick Jolina. Derrick is the first born child of Wilde Oates from my Family Man Challenge.
The second thing that happened when I opened my game:
Steak has a birthday that I completely forgot about.
Yesssssssss! Prepare for torture.
The gnomes are gathering in the front yard. I think I should probably break this up, I’ve seen what happens when they do this.
Lincoln: Papa Bear, you’re the lookout.
Papa Bear: Right! …I don’t see nuthin’.
Amenhotep: You’re looking the wrong way, moron.
Genghis: Anyone comes over here, I’ll go all Last Dragon on their asses! Bruce Leeroy-style, not Shonuff.
Geico: *licks finger* Anyone want to save 15% on car insurance?
Edamame: Oh, those things are disgusting. I don’t know how you can live with them.
Frittata: I could say the same thing about Jello.
Edamame: *dramatic sigh* OH! Oh, it was truly , truly terrible. No one ever asks…
No one did ask. We’re moving on!
Edamame: Why do you hate me?
Scanning the house I found Miller passed out by the hot tub, bottle nearby.
Edamame: Who’s not surprised? All fingers point to me.
Thank you Magic 8 Ball.
With the morning sun beating down on Miller’s face, he woke, wiped the dehydrated spittle from his face and started a new day.
Grandpa Miller loves to play with the little ones. Wait, that’s his daughter. Eh… he’s old enough to be her grandfather.
Miller: Here comes the CLAW!
Bon Bon: No, no! Yay!
Edamame: HAHAAH! Because he’s old!
Frittata: So, you’re dust.
Edamame: Does it bother you when Bon Bon get a contact buzz off of Miller’s breath?
Raspberry let Brennan out of his cage for a little dip in the hot tub. He was heavily drugged so he couldn’t run.
Brennan: Mama…mama says it’s bath time… *head rolls to one side*
Edamame: I’m so glad I never had to resort to trapping a man.
Frittata: That’s not what I read.
Edamame: *hisses* That book is full of LIES!
This is Peach and Mango’s daughter, Kix. She’s an absent-minded couch potato.
Frittata: What now?
Edamame: I – I never thought I’d see the day.
I know! The first child of Generation Eight, the end is in sight!
Edamame: No, no. She’s pink! Look at her, she’s pink!
Frittata: Should I take offence to this?
Knowing Edamame… Probably.
Kix is now the proud owner of Lox’s old bedroom.
I went with a fairy theme.
Edamame: I’m sure Lox will miss this room more than ever now.
Frittata: What are you trying to say!?
Edamame: What? *feigns innocence* What?
This is Lox’s new room, it’s strawberry’s old room.
Edamame: The vertical stripes are very reminiscent of a prison cell.
Frittata: No, that is apparently downstairs.
Yeah, we’ll touch on that later.
I’m always finding random members of the house sleeping in Lox’s bed. Like he’s never coming home or they’ve all forgotten about him.
Edamame: I’m sorry, but who is Lox again? Is he that girly-boy that used to live here?
So I decided to call Lox home from private school. Because I don’t have enough sims in this house! I’m telling you, people either need to start dying or moving out.
Lox: So… You spend a ton of money to send me to the best private school for ONE day? What gives? I was finally making a friend.
Edamame: I vote to send him back. We already have a child for Generation Eight. Drop him off a cliff or something.
No, there will be an heir vote once Bon Bon becomes a teen.
Edamame: OH-EM-GEEEEE! Why are you torturing me!?!
The oddest thing happened when he got home. Every time a sim would walk by Lox or talk to him they always had this garbage bag or trashcan thought bubble. Not sure what that is about, maybe he needs a shower?
Peach took Kix for a walk… to the end of the driveway and back. And that’s the most time she’s spent with her daughter. Most of the time she’s stuck at the bar mixing drinks or hangover cures for Miller.
Edamame: Oh, look at that. A stroller! You know back in my day we had to carry our children everywhere.
Frittata: And you had to walk to school barefoot and up hill both ways.
Edamame: What? Who told you that? You think you know me, but you don’t. For your information I wore cereal boxes for shoes and used newspaper for socks. I didn’t grow up in the Dark Ages thank you!
Mango is the doting parent. He’s even raising the children that aren’t his!
Mango: Did your mommy leave for work with out changer your stinky, little
Jasmine/Junior: Poooooop… pooooooop…
Edamame: Raspberry is a genius! I could have used a Mango when my children were that age.
Frittata: But you had a Donut.
Edamame: Yes, I had a Donut… Guess who had to change his diapers.
OH! By the way, I was trying to get Mango and Peach in the mood so we could have another baby on the way when I noticed this:
Ummm, okay, what is that?
So I check out Mango’s friends.
WTfreakingH, Story Progression!!!! What have you done to my happy family!!!! Who is that chick anyway? I forgot her name, but he is sooo breaking this off.
Back to the story: Mango has also decided to take lox under his wing because he feels a little bad for him.
Mango: You should really smile more often. You look so happy when you smile and more people will try to approach you.
Edamame: I’ll bet Lox got the warm fuzzies over that. Tell Peach to hold on to her husband.
Frittata: Would you stop it! Lox is not gay!
Well, he might be.
Something strange happens to Lox’s face when he tries to smile. I don’t know if it’s a twitch or just – I don’t know…
Miller and Lox tried to have a little bonding time doing what fathers and sons have done since the beginning of baseball in the 1850s.
Lox: *girly throw*
Edamame: He does know they were playing catch and not bowling?
Miller picked up the ball as it rolled to his feet.
Miller: Get read-y fr the pile diver! Diver! DRIVER!
Edmamae: Uhh, wrong sport.
Miller: Go long, sssson.
Lox: *hides behind a tree* Daddy, that look in your eye, it’s scary!
Miller wound his pitch and…
Nearly fell on his face on the launch.
Edamame: BWAHAHAHA *wipes tears* Oh, oh, that’s good. That is so, so good.
Miller: Whao –hic- shoo. Imma takea time out over here.
Miller noticed the money tree had started to wilt. He broke out his guitar and sang it a little tune to perk it up.
sung to the tune of Smelly Cat
You’re like a…….(he nearly lost it)
(then brought it all back)….…bank to me…
Mango interrupted miller’s jam session.
Edamame: Thank you, Mango!
Mango: Hey, Dad. Peach made you a refresher!
Meanwhile, Frittata is over at the Seckies house. Pat was gardening.
Pat: Oh Lawd, it like a sea of taturs. well, maybe not a sea, but like a real big pool, real big. Tatur… Huh, I think I’ll name mah first born Tatur after mah fruit crop…
Edamame: Oh no! Who let them move into my town! Oh no, oh no! Now there will be no stopping the inbreeding from happening!
Frittata: Have you taken a look at the family tree lately? It’s already happening.
I really need to update the family tree sometime too.
And Bella was inside sitting on her butt.
She must have been tired from watching Pat work in the garden all day. Poor thing went inside to avoid heat stroke.
Edamame: What do you think she’s thinking about?
Frittata: How can you be sure?
Trust me, it’s aliens.
Bella and Frittata chatted for a while.
Frittata: You’re looking to become the next town bike? Really?
Bella: Now, don’t you be getting’ any ideas. Not everyone gets a turn. Just the menfolk.
Then Pat came in and told Frittata it was time to go.
Pat: This is mah food and I ain’t sharin’. ‘N’ when I’m dun, Ima gunna sleep on that thur couch, ‘cuz ain’t nobody getting’ in the bed upstairs ‘cuz the gol durn ceilin’ is to low!
Frittata went home and took the hottest shower she could stand because she’d shook Bella’s hand and sat on Bella’s couch.
Back at the house Peach was telling Mango another scary story.
About the man trapped in a secret basement room
Time was dragging on. He had no idea how long he’d been there or how long he would stay.
One day he fashioned himself a little companion out of a stick and a cup.
Brennan: Okay, Cuppy, you be the look out while I get some sleep.
Sometimes the woman would come and she would be nice…too nice…
And she would try to get him to lie with her on the bed. But no matter how tired he was he wouldn’t.
This upset the woman…
He started to get paranoid…
He stopped sleeping in the bed…
This upset the woman more…
But when he stopped eating the cake…
Mango wanted to know what was so special about the cake, but he had to wait for the next story.
And so do you, that’s the end of this post! Hopefully the next one won’t take me ages to put up.